You have made the move from Manhattan to Brooklyn. You're still getting your land legs back, having finally left the island, having crossed that river you never thought you'd cross. We know all about the adventures you've had, the strange sights you've seen. That was no sea monster, for example, that's the Brooklyn Bridge. Don't you recognize it from pictures?
We know what you've gone through, not only because we've been there, ourselves, but because we watched your journey through the powerful lenses of our CCTV security surveillance systems.
Does fear stab your heart to hear us mention security? Well, you're a greenhorn, we understand. Don't be mad if we laugh at you a little. Not only have we put up with your Manhattan snobbiness for ages, we used to feel that way, ourselves.
But we're right cozy over here in the BK now, and because we're that comfortable with our hood and ourselves, we'll show you a couple of ropes. These aren't apartment hunting tips--you're savvy enough on that front. Think of them as a little jam jars in a welcome home basket, sweetly placed on your stoop.
1. We weren't kidding about the CCTV security surveillance. Might as well start with the hard stuff. We bought a brownstone on the east side of Prospect Park, Prospect Lefferts Gardens, or PLG as we locals say. My wife (Like I said, I'm giving you the horror story first, and then its all uphill from here) was unpacking groceries from the car in the middle of the afternoon one fine spring day, when someone up and drove it away. With half the groceries. She saw it happen, yelled at the guy, even slapped the car bumper, but with our two year-old daughter balancing a bag of gluten-free animal crackers on the steps, she quickly stepped back and let the car go. Luckily, our CCTV security surveillance caught the whole thing. Not only did we give proof to the police and the insurance company, we posted it on Facebook. Face your fears. And film them.
2. Enjoy the strengths of your new hood. PLG is a largely West Indian neighborhood. Which means we get the best jerk chicken outside of Jamaica. The street vibe is friendly, the fresh fruit stands are plentiful. Lots of ways to be naturally healthy (and Popeye's for when you want to break the rules).
3. If Flatbush Ave is the main artery near your new digs, let me introduce you to the best public transportation in the city: the Flatbush van. Modeled after route vans in Jamaica, these vans roll up and down Flatbush, honking. If you give a little wave, they'll pull over and pick you up. A ride from anywhere on Flatbush to anywhere else on Flatbush is $2. That's cheaper than the subway, folks. No tipping, either, but sometimes you might be crammed in. That's half the fun, in my opinion.
4. The parks. Prospect Park, Fort Greene Park. This is the good stuff out here in the country.
5. Be friendly to your neighbors! It's not like back on the island where you don't make eye contact. Say hello as you're installing your CCTV security surveillance, so they know you're not pointing it at them.
6. Stick around and explore! Don't hustle back to Manhattan for all your going out. Bklyn's got plenty to offer and less schlep if you stay local. Now when our Manhattan friends invite us over, we make excuses.
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